296: The Paradox of Christian Living

 Hello everyone. It's 10 p.m. on Saturday night.
 Yes. Before we get to the actual episode that we recorded 12 hours ago at 10 a.m. on Saturday
 morning, we just want to give you a quick update on what's happened in the last couple of hours.
 See anything can happen. A couple hours ago, we get a phone call from our representative,
 our adoption agency to let us know that what we thought was the timeline that our baby was
 going to be born in two weeks is just kidding. The baby's going to be born on Monday. Again,
 tonight is Saturday as we record this. And can we be in a different state by tomorrow?
 So in the last couple hours, we have booked flights. We have booked a rental car. We've booked an
 Airbnb. We have organized babysitting for our kids. A huge thank you to everybody who said they
 would come. Our dryer is currently waiting to be repaired. So we're using our next-door
 your neighbor's dryer as we do all our moms.
 - As we're like speed washing baby clothes.
 - And tomorrow we're gonna jump on a plane
 and fly out of state to meet our birth mom.
 - Yes.
 - And then on Monday, the day that this episode
 is hopefully released if I can get it edited
 on the airplane tomorrow.
 As you are listening to this,
 hopefully our baby will have been born.
 - Yes.
 - So.
 (laughing)
 - It changes the timeline on many things for us.
 - Yeah, so the episode you're gonna listen to is all about
 the paradox of faith and all about what happened last week.
 And we've moved on from all the last week.
 - Last week is so last season.
 - And we're now into the season.
 So as you listen to this, we hope you enjoy the episode.
 - Yes.
 - But we also are gonna ask that you would pray for us.
 And you're gonna hear us talk about how God came through
 in amazing ways and met our financial needs.
 - And he did.
 - And he did, but we've got some new financial needs.
 - We thought we had two weeks to meet,
 and now we have two days.
 - Yes, because we owe the hospital about $12,000
 once the baby's born, potentially more,
 depending on what happened.
 And our travel costs at one point
 were just purely theoretical.
 We now know the actual travel costs.
 So thank you to everybody who gave.
 I feel bad that we're jumping in with a need
 before you've heard us tell a story in our test.
 Thank you.
 But you know, this is our life right now.
 - Right.
 - The easiest thing to do to keep up to speed on what's happening
 is if you haven't already joined our adoption newsletter.
 - Yes.
 - Go to alynandaj.com/adopt
 where you'll get literally real-time update.
 As soon as AJ hung up the phone, she told me,
 I immediately jumped on and emailed all our people
 who are praying, but you could also fall on social media
 if you're not already, @alynandaj at everything.
 And if you have the means and are able to give,
 Please go to alynandaj.com/adopt.
 - We need your help.
 - Because our needs are now real time,
 not just a couple of weeks from now.
 - That's very true.
 - And this crazy, 'cause a couple of weeks from now
 felt like a rush.
 - It did, it really did.
 It was funny 'cause somebody came over and,
 and they dropped off some stuff to us tonight
 just knowing that we have to fly out tomorrow morning
 and they said, "Is there anything else you need?"
 And I was like, "Well, that two weeks
 "would have been really great."
 (laughing)
 But at the same time, we're super excited.
 - We're very excited.
 - Yeah, and we want what's best for mom and for baby,
 and so we're excited for Monday and all that that will bring.
 - But for now, enjoy the jingle
 that you're used to hearing every Monday morning,
 and we hope you enjoy the podcast
 that we recorded for you 12 hours ago,
 and we're off to finish packing and go to bed.
 - Goodnight.
 ♪ Alyn and AJ's podcast for your Monday ♪
 ♪ Most wonderful show is ♪
 ♪ Keeping up with the Joneses ♪
 - Mrs. Jones. - Yes.
 - Episode 296 of Keeping Up With The Joneses.
 - It certainly is.
 - Welcome to all our listeners and our viewers.
 We're very glad that you're here with us.
 - Thanks for joining us again.
 (both laughing)
 - Our weekly update.
 - Yes.
 - This week is interesting.
 - It is.
 - Because on the one hand,
 we just did all the stuff that you normally do.
 - Yes.
 - You know, I got a haircut.
 - I met with some people.
 - And we did some grocery shopping.
 - Yeah, all the normal things.
 - All the normal stuff.
 Yeah. But the normal stuff was set against the backdrop of some remarkable stuff.
 Yes.
 Which we're going to talk about in a second.
 Yes.
 Before we talk about the major life thing.
 Yeah.
 Anything else from our weekly catch up that you want to talk about?
 Oh, it was a good week, I think.
 There you go.
 Our fastest weekly update in the history of keeping up with the journalists.
 So now we come to our main topic.
 Yes.
 Our main topic stems from something
 we talked about last week.
 - Yes.
 - We were talking about that typically
 in the 290 something episodes of this podcast
 that we've done, we've usually taken a topic
 and then we've talked about that topic
 because our lives are not that interesting
 to talk about in real time.
 - Yes.
 - Right?
 So we take a topic and then we maybe explore that topic,
 maybe talk about it from a biblical perspective,
 maybe tell some stories.
 And typically the stories we're telling are
 from our history, hey,
 here's our experience with this thing.
 and there's strengths and weaknesses to that approach.
 One of the weaknesses that's inherent in that approach
 is you tend to tell stories that are success stories.
 - Yes, and there is maybe not the same level
 of vulnerability as if you were in the middle of it.
 - I would say that we are quite vulnerable
 in the way we share.
 - Yes, but I'm-- - But there's no risk
 because we already know how the story is intended.
 - Yes, yes.
 - And we try and offset that weakness
 by talking about our weaknesses well
 or talking about where things haven't gone well.
 For example, when we're talking about learning,
 seeing the spirit, I've talked about my--
 - Sure, the mistakes. - The title or failures.
 Right.
 But where this season over life is interesting
 is we're talking about it real time.
 - Real, yes.
 Join us on the journey.
 - Join us on the journey of adoption.
 A quick recap, especially if you've just jumped
 into this episode and skipped the last couple.
 Last week, we were notified that we were gonna be
 the adoptive parents of a baby.
 That will be born in a couple of weeks.
 And that was an interesting story in itself.
 - Yes.
 - And you can go listen to that episode, episode 295.
 We ended that episode going as big as the price as that was,
 we also needed to pay a bunch of money.
 - Really quickly. - In adoption.
 - Really quickly. - Yeah, yeah.
 - So our adoption agency, for example,
 they needed $50,000, split into two payments of 25
 and 25 roughly. - Right.
 - The 125, we already had raised that support.
 Thank you to all our supporters.
 And so that was easy to wire that.
 The more troubling one was that we used to send $25,000.
 - Seven days later.
 - Seven days later and we had $7,000.
 - Yes.
 - Yeah.
 - So we needed to raise about $18,000.
 - Yeah.
 - In, I say in a week, but the way we record these episodes,
 it was a week when we recorded it,
 but when it got released on a Monday, we only had five days.
 - Yes.
 - And so we're talking about that.
 And I equipped last week, I was like,
 "Hey, join us next week to see what happens."
 - Right.
 So at the time of me saying that,
 we didn't know what was gonna happen.
 - No.
 - So it wasn't one of those success stories.
 And we just declared and the Lord brought in the money
 and isn't got good hallelujah, amen.
 - Yeah, I know.
 - We're saying they're going, let's see what happens
 as we move towards this target.
 - I actually remember waking up on Sunday morning.
 So this would be last Sunday and going in the kitchen
 and having a little bit of a panic,
 like literally like, oh Lord,
 Like, you know, that's a lot of money and just a few,
 I mean, I know it's not a lot of money for the Lord,
 but it was a lot of money for us.
 - You write down that number of papers?
 - Yeah, that's a lot of money.
 And I literally was like, oh God, you know.
 And he just reminded me of that dream about,
 when I had a dream about his provision.
 And in the dream, it was all like,
 oh, hey, your baby's here.
 It's all very super last minute
 and everything was provided.
 And so he reminded me about that dream and he's like,
 hey, this was always gonna be the scenario kind of thing.
 And I was like, okay, okay.
 So it's been interesting, hasn't it?
 'Cause it's been choosing to return to peace.
 - Yeah, interesting is an adjective you could use.
 (laughing)
 Or...
 - Let me ask you this.
 It was the interesting or whatever adjective you want to use.
 Was it heightened because of the fact
 that we're doing this publicly?
 - Probably a little bit.
 Yeah, but I think I would probably still feel
 the same level of like--
 - Oh, you would feel something.
 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
 Well, I didn't, yeah, I don't know.
 That's a good question.
 - I mean, I think for me, it was scary
 because the genesis of the story is
 we feel like God invited us to Dr. Baby.
 - Yes.
 - And then we moved forward to make all of that happen.
 - Yes.
 - And then, largely speaking, nothing happened for 18 months.
 it was like crickets for 18 months.
 - And I remember a couple of weeks ago,
 I was going for a walk and I'm like,
 "Did I miss the Lord?
 Did we miss the Lord?"
 - Yes.
 - And I think part of that is the danger of like,
 that it's so much easier to see the Lord at work
 in retrospect than it is standing at the beginning
 of the Lord's house, I want you to go there.
 And we, as humans, just automatically write a narrative
 of how that's gonna go.
 - Yes.
 - And when that narrative doesn't happen,
 we maybe think, "I miss heard."
 - Right.
 - And then the Lord's not working.
 Do I get it wrong?
 But then when it does happen,
 you can look back and go,
 "Oh, the hand of the Lord was here, there, and everywhere."
 - Right.
 And I would say stuff rarely happens
 the way we as humans think it's gonna happen.
 Like when we hear the Lord say,
 "Hey, I'm going to do this for you."
 Whether it's with a job or a spouse
 or whatever the thing is, you know,
 it's often not in the timing that we expect,
 not in the way that we expect.
 And so I think it's easy.
 It doesn't have to be an adoption journey
 in any kind of faith journey.
 It's really easy to go,
 "Okay, God, did you say this?
 It feels like it's taking a really long time."
 Or, "Hey, God, is this you
 'cause it's coming a different way
 than I expected it to come."
 - And I think also when he's asking you to do things
 that is completely outside of your power to achieve.
 So for example, "Hey, Lord, this thing that you asked us to do
 is now going to cost us $25,000.
 We don't have that."
 - Right.
 - And we don't have assets we can liquidate.
 - Right.
 of stuff that we sell in a week is going to get us 25 grand.
 No.
 Like, you know, we can't manufacture that money.
 No.
 So now we're essentially putting your name to the test because we think you asked us to
 do this in public.
 Right.
 Well, and and to that, we don't even have a job that we could go get alone.
 Right.
 Oh, that little chest.
 So like, yeah, so but seriously, when we started the journey, we did have a job.
 Right.
 And if worse came to worse, we could have gone and gotten alone or something like that.
 We can do nothing. We can do absolutely nothing but rely on the Lord because we can't get alone.
 So if you follow us on social media, you already know what happened.
 Yes.
 You know that the faithfulness of the Lord and the generosity of our community made it such that
 what we needed to raise for that payment was 25,000.
 And through the generosity of everybody,
 we raised 28 something close to $28,000.
 Yes.
 And so we could end there and go,
 oh, isn't that amazing?
 Isn't God good?
 And look how faithfully was.
 And the years and all of that.
 But I think an area of the story I wanna talk about is,
 let's pretend we don't know that happened.
 And let's talk about what it was like
 to be in that stretch for those five days.
 as in you've just released something publicly on the internet
 to say, "Hey, this is what we're thinking God's gonna do.
 Would you partner with us?"
 And then we don't actually know, even,
 we're recording this Saturday.
 The money needs to be in Friday.
 And yesterday when we woke up,
 it only said we had $7,000.
 - Which is what we started with.
 So we started with this 7,000.
 No, it had moved to nine.
 - It had moved to nine.
 - It had moved to nine. - That's right.
 - So we started with seven
 when we recorded the last podcast.
 It had moved to nine.
 And then that's where it stayed for four days.
 like it didn't shift at all.
 And we know we're coming up on this deadline.
 - Thursday night we go bed like, okay Lord.
 - Refresh.
 - Friday morning we wake up and we're refreshing.
 We're like, we're only at the page
 and it still says 9,000.
 I know we're being trying to talk about
 like what happens in our heart during that.
 And then when Friday morning when effectively
 quote unquote God hasn't come through.
 Like what is the temptation of your heart to do?
 How do you protect yourself?
 I wanted to explore that because I think
 the danger of skipping to the end that we all know absolutely God came through.
 The generosity of our community was incredible.
 And this is amazing testimony.
 As we actually skip some real meaty, I just spat there, we skip some real meaty heart
 stuff.
 We've called this episode the Paradox of Christian Living.
 Because all sorts of questions come up.
 all sorts of questions come up,
 and the tension and the delay of God responding.
 You really find out what's going on in your heart.
 - Yeah, so I mean, to explain that
 or to expand on that a little bit more,
 we're talking about the paradox of Christian living.
 We're talking about things like we're getting text messages.
 Oh, I'm loving watching this faith journey.
 And God always has these incredible financial testimonies
 for you and like--
 - You guys live in so much peace
 and how much faith do you have?
 like it's amazing to watch.
 - Yeah, and there's that,
 and there's also the other side where we're going,
 are we making really bad decisions?
 Is this faith, or is this denial?
 Like are we in peace, or is this denial?
 - Right, so like, and because we're,
 well, we're both fairly left-brained,
 and a lot of, and analytical people as well,
 like we're both doing the, okay God,
 like we think we're hearing you,
 but we're still having to lay that down daily and go,
 okay, this was your idea from the start.
 So we can, you know, we can go,
 okay, I think this is the Lord,
 but then when the trouble comes or the pressure comes,
 what comes out of us is still probably the same thing
 that comes out of you.
 It's still the--
 - Did we make this up?
 - Okay, now I'm re-choosing again and again and again,
 and we are assessing, did we make it up?
 Did we start this?
 Did we, you know, all that kind of stuff?
 - Yeah, well, the really funny dynamic,
 I wanna tell a story, I'm not trying to shame anybody
 because I think this is a natural reaction.
 - Okay.
 - So if you're one of the people that has said these things
 to us. - I'm wondering if you're
 about to tell what a my natural reaction,
 let's go for it, babe, just do it.
 - No.
 - Rip off the band, dude, I'm ready.
 - If I'm gonna tell a story and you realize
 you might have been one of the people who have said this.
 Feel no shame or guilt at all
 because it's things we've already thought.
 - Yeah. - So what I'm talking about is
 When we tell people, or people find out that we're adopting,
 you can either see on their faces,
 or you can hear come out their mouth,
 where they describe succinctly
 some of the challenges of this.
 (laughing)
 So aren't you guys in your 50s?
 And I'm like, well, hold on, I'm approaching 50.
 She's over 50.
 - Oh, thanks, darling.
 Yes.
 - Yes, but having all your children growing up,
 are you ready to go back to the newborn stage?
 - Do you realize what this is gonna be like?
 - Yeah, you're gonna have four kids
 and you don't have a job.
 So, you know, people, do you know the medical history
 of the mom?
 No, so have you considered what might happen with the bit?
 And people are hinting all the things that could go wrong.
 - And we have thought of all those things.
 - As if that's gonna be noose just.
 And then sometimes people are like,
 oh God, why would you do that?
 Like I remember telling a friend,
 like, oh, we're gonna be up in a baby.
 They're like, oh God, why are you doing that?
 And I'm like, well, the answer's in your question.
 - Right.
 - Why are we doing that because of, oh God.
 - Yeah, yeah.
 - God has invited us into this journey.
 - Yes, yeah.
 All of that will produce a lot of feelings.
 - Yes.
 - And I would say.
 - So I have a thought.
 - What's your thought?
 - And that is, I realize what my process is
 with all of those kind of thoughts.
 Or with any kind of thought that I'm like,
 it should be considered.
 - Yes.
 - You know, it's not about like the source
 or the tone or whatever, it should be considered.
 And if I could sort of visualize that,
 I sort of grab it, sift it, like sift it through the spirit,
 sift it through what God's saying,
 keep whatever's necessary and toss the rest out,
 as fast as I can.
 - That's your process.
 - Yes, because otherwise it'll plant something
 that isn't gonna be what God wants to plant.
 Does that make sense?
 So I think I've taken all those,
 am I super aware that I'm over 50?
 I am.
 Do I remember what having newborns like?
 Yes, I do.
 You know, like so,
 and do I think there's gonna be challenges?
 Of course there's gonna be challenges.
 And we're trying to do whatever we can
 to prepare for whatever challenges that--
 - May arise.
 I think one of the kindest conversations I was talking to some dear friends of mine
 And I was this is before we knew anything about this. This was a couple of months ago
 Okay, I was just saying hey, you know like nothing's happened with the adoption process and
 You I don't know what's prudent like right now
 We don't have a job and there's like there's opportunities coming is it fiscally responsible?
 Like we're big Dave Ramsey fans. Yeah, is it fiscally responsible for us to continue to?
 put ourselves in a position of needing more money in a situation where right now we don't
 have a source of income. And you know, like, ah, and I remember my friends and these are
 like people who are wiser and older, more life experienced than me. I remember just sitting
 in the living room and they just, you know, I'm pouring out my heart. I'm trying to be
 responsible. And they're just like, "Alyn, when God invited you into this adoption journey,
 he also knew that you'd be right here without a job. Yeah, like where you are isn't a surprise
 to God. So I think adjusting what God's saying because, "Oh God, I don't think you have all
 the facts." It's probably not faith." And just that simple kindness was like, "Oh yeah, because
 there's practical realities and then there's spiritual realities. And you have to decide
 which one you're going to go with." I want to be careful. I was going to say part of the
 problem. There's no problem with reading the Bible. Part of the problem, however, with
 with our approach to reading the Bible,
 as a bear way of saying that,
 is we're familiar with all the great faith stories
 in the Bible.
 - And we know how they end.
 - Well, that's the problem, we know how they end.
 So when we read about Joshua having to walk around,
 you know, the city of Jericho,
 you know, six times on the seventh time do this
 and it's all gonna work out, we're like,
 oh, that's amazing.
 But we don't, and the Bible doesn't tell us,
 it does have some characters, it does tell us.
 - Right, a little bit.
 - We'll talk about Moses in a second,
 But with Joshua, we don't know what's going on in Joshua's head.
 Is Joshua a full of faith gun?
 It's going to be amazing.
 Can't wait to see all their faces when the walls come dumbling down.
 Or is he like, do they think I'm crazy?
 Am I even here at you?
 Is it really low?
 When I did my special forces training, there was nothing about walking.
 So was he full of faith?
 Or was he like, oh, God, I really hope this works.
 And in the end, does it matter?
 Yeah.
 Does obedience, does going to do the thing scared in validate,
 does that nullify your faith or be obedient?
 - No, I don't think so.
 I think obedience trumps it.
 - Obedience trumps it.
 - Yeah.
 - Again, we've quoted this recently,
 but the great, Ray Hughes line of God's not looking
 for seaparting faith, he's looking for stick-raising obedience.
 - Yeah.
 - And so that's some of the stuff we've,
 I've been wrestling with, I know you've been wrestling
 with two of just like, because right now
 know how the story ends. Like, yay, God is amazing. But during the week, we're like,
 right. Okay, Lord, what do we do if the money, I remember asking you, babe,
 have you given any thought to what happens if the money doesn't come in?
 Yes. And you were like, I have given zero thought to that because I know the money's going to come
 in. Yes. And I remember saying, well, babe, that's amazing. And I remember thinking, I don't think
 I have a lack of faith that the money won't come in. Like, I think me asking, what are we going to
 if the money doesn't come in, isn't because I don't have faith,
 hear me on this, I could be wrong,
 this is the first time I've said this out loud,
 is I don't think it's a lack of faith
 to be prepared if God's gonna do something different
 than the way we think he's going to do it.
 For example, we need $25,000,
 it could be faith to say, hey God,
 we're gonna believe you're gonna bring that $25,000,
 but it could also be presumption.
 It could be that God's gonna work a completely different way
 that money's not gonna come in,
 and the adoption agency is gonna say,
 you know what's crazy is we just had another family
 that wanted to give a grant.
 They just called us this morning and just said,
 hey, if there's any parents that need $25,000,
 we wanna gift it.
 God's so creative that he doesn't have to do it
 through fundraising, does that make sense?
 - Yes.
 - So me coming up with a backup plan.
 - But even that wouldn't be your backup plan.
 You can't come up with that.
 - No, no, but I think it's more like,
 hey, have you given any thought to what you're going to do
 is me just wondering like, you know,
 what do I do with it?
 I don't know, it didn't feel like a lack of faith.
 It felt like me going,
 as I'm trying to cover all my bases.
 Maybe it was lack of faith.
 Anyway, I loved it.
 You were like, no, I am resolute.
 This is going to happen.
 And I'm like, you're amazing that you're resolute.
 I am not resolute.
 I'm resolute that God's going to find a solution.
 I'm just not resolute that that has to be the solution.
 Does that make sense?
 That's probably a better way of saying.
 - Sure, I get it.
 I think my resoluteness is two things.
 Again, it's, it's, hey, God told us
 was gonna go down like this in a dream and doing this thing of like grab it,
 sift it through the spirit. Nope, not gonna hold onto that and toss out the
 other side constantly. I would say I've been doing that all week. And even as
 we're like checking every day and that number isn't changing, you know, I'm just
 like, okay God, okay, nothing has changed as in terms of what you have said. I'd
 I'd love this number to change though.
 Like I'd love to have like a visual representation
 of what you're doing.
 But we've processed most things differently.
 And I actually, I find it helpful
 'cause usually when I get,
 we have our different moments of being high,
 if that makes sense, like, high.
 - Let's bring some clarity to that.
 - Let's not say it that way.
 We have our different, like, I'll have my moments of like,
 (imitates "I'm a "I'm a
 You know, it's an every, and you're like, hey, babe, it's okay.
 You know, let's remember together what got, you know, whatever.
 And then you'll have your moments and it's not as high pitch.
 Just what I just did.
 But you know, it's a manly.
 So we usually we usually balance each other out fairly well.
 One of the funny things about walking with the Lord is his sense of humor.
 Yes.
 Or that he looks at things in a completely different way than we do.
 Yeah.
 So talk about Joshua and like, you know, that it's not in the text.
 we don't know what he was feeling.
 Yes.
 When I think about Moses, I think it's an exodus through, you know,
 when, when the Lord comes to Moses and says, Hey, go to Pharaoh and say,
 let my people go.
 And he's just like, well, I don't know if he doesn't believe me.
 And the Lord says, well, a sign that this is me is when he let the people go,
 you'll worship me on that mountain over there.
 That's not a sign that's cause and effect.
 You know,
 what do I have going into this?
 - Well, I know that it's not--
 - If I'm wrong, I die.
 (laughing)
 So, you know, sometimes I remember sitting around the fire
 with some friends last week and I'm talking to them about this.
 And I'm just, you know, I'm pondering it loud.
 And I find myself saying, you know, the amount of faith
 that it takes to support a family of five
 isn't much different than the amount of faith
 that takes to support a family of six.
 - Sure.
 - I'm talking about it in the season.
 - Yes.
 - For clarity, we are getting jobs.
 Right, we are working on that.
 - Yes, we're working on our stuff also.
 - Yes, we are working on that too.
 - Yes.
 - But in the meantime, we don't have a job.
 - Yes.
 - So adding one more mouth to feed
 and the grounder scheme of things.
 - A baby mouth, yeah.
 - And one of my friends just says,
 Alyn, I haven't even thought about it from the money side.
 Like I just know God's gonna be faithful on that.
 - Wow, that's lovely.
 - Lovely.
 - Yeah.
 - But I think the beauty of having community
 is that they remind you of things that you know are true,
 but might not feel true right now
 because there's more pressing things at your face right now.
 - Yeah, yeah, I had coffee with somebody this week
 who, you know, I was telling her what was going on
 and everything and she's like,
 "Well, you know that money's gonna come in,
 just look back at your memory stones."
 It made me think again, in the Old Testament
 where people would set up stones to remind themselves,
 like physically set up a stone
 to remind themselves of areas of breakthrough
 so that they could go back and look at that thing
 in the moments when they were like,
 "I feel scared again, God.
 I feel like, am I out here on a limb?
 Is this crazy faith or is this negligence?"
 Like,
 "Totally, yeah."
 You know, be able to look back and go,
 "You know what?
 I felt the same right before you did that."
 Yes.
 "I felt the same right before you did that when they're."
 You know?
 And so that actually was really helpful for me too,
 'cause I was like, "Oh yeah, we have lots of history."
 And I remember feeling this amount of,
 is this crazy for a lot of really big decisions?
 - A lot of big decisions.
 - And just being like, well, I think it's real,
 it might be crazy, but it's real clear
 that that's where God's taking us.
 - Yes, I think a lot of times I want
 guarantees before I leave.
 - Sure, but happy lovely.
 - And actually what happens is, as you go, he confirms.
 - Yes.
 - You know, which is what the Lord of Saint-Amos is like,
 when you do this now, to be clear, he's speaking to him through a burning bush, right? Audibly.
 Yeah. And then, you know, a lot of signs of wonders and miracles follow, which by the way,
 often we think the signs and wonders will help us, but it didn't help the people of Israel.
 They didn't still didn't believe. So this challenge that presents itself is, am I going to trust God
 and move forward? Yeah. And how much stuff do I need to actually leave where I am to go and see
 if it's the Lord.
 - Yeah, and I think the other challenge is,
 are you gonna listen to the opposition?
 Like are you gonna listen to the other thoughts?
 - Yeah.
 - Or are you going to just keep going in obedience?
 And just, I mean, you can even, again, acknowledge,
 yeah, it looks crazy.
 But sometimes crazy looks like God, yeah, it looks like,
 you know.
 - So that's us talking about the topic as an overview
 and a theoretical abstract.
 Let's bring that closer to what our week was like
 with the things that we've been talking about in mind.
 For me, it starts Sunday morning.
 - Yeah.
 - Because we're going to church.
 - Yes.
 - We're aware that tomorrow we're gonna release
 this episode to the world.
 - Yes.
 - And we are acutely aware, it was seven days
 to raise $25, $5,000.
 It's now six days to raise $25, $5,000.
 - By the time the episode released, it's five days.
 - But Sunday we're gonna church.
 - Yes.
 - And I remember meeting a friend and he said,
 "How are you?"
 And I was like, "Well, I'm a bit bewildered."
 He's like, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
 And I quit, like, "Do you have $25,000?"
 So the thing that's on my mind right now
 is $25,000, $25,000, like that's my obstacle.
 It's actually obscuring my view of the Bigness of God.
 - Sure.
 - It's the thing that's just present,
 wherever I look, it's there.
 And so during worship, during church, as worship is happening,
 they open up the front, there's a pre-eminentry team.
 - Yes.
 - And I grab your hand and say,
 "Hey, let's go down and let's get prayer for the adoption."
 - Yes.
 - Because,
 - Because.
 - In addition to the 25,000 dollars,
 we're gonna be brand new parents in three weeks time.
 - Yes.
 - There's a lot to happen.
 (laughing)
 So I grab your hand and say, "We're going down."
 You pull my hand and you lean into me,
 you lean into my hand and you're like,
 pick some old people.
 - Those find old people.
 - I don't know why you own old people.
 And you were like, they've been praying longer.
 (laughing)
 There we go to the front and the usher
 directs us to a young couple.
 - Yeah.
 - So I was like, well, we got this lovely young couple.
 - Yeah, well, I mean, you're saying young,
 they're probably in their 40s.
 - Right, well, I mean, is there not old?
 - They're not gray-haired.
 - No, there's no silver on them.
 - Actually, there was gray-haired people
 the other side and I was like, no, no, okay, here we go.
 - So we're with this lovely couple.
 - Yeah.
 - They're young because we're older than them.
 - Yes, okay, thank you.
 - They're probably about the same age.
 I like the thing that we were young.
 Anyway, we just tell them, hey, what can we pray for you for?
 Oh, well, we just found out we're gonna be adoptive parents
 and we're gonna have a newborn in about three weeks.
 And they're like, that's wonderful.
 I was like, yeah, and we need $25,000 by Friday.
 And so they were so good, they let us finish.
 And then they said to us, well, we would be happy to pray for you
 and we can pray with faith because we're adoptive parents.
 And I just burst into tears 'cause I was like,
 how kind of the Lord in our need, in our weakness
 that we move towards, you know, just,
 we just need some prayer right now.
 - Yeah.
 - And what do you know?
 It's a couple who've been where we've been.
 And so they pray for us and, you know,
 I'm not, you know, the prayer where your snot is
 and your tears are just running and now it's dripping down.
 There's no tissues.
 - Yeah.
 - Yeah.
 - It was not. - Yeah.
 - And then as we left, they were like,
 come find us next week and tell us.
 - About the breakthrough.
 - Tell us how God did it is what they say.
 You know, tell us how God did it.
 Not, not tell us if it worked, but.
 - Tell us if it worked.
 I see it going, this is why we need community,
 because just the way their prayer was all about
 how God loves the orphan and how adoption
 is the heart of God.
 And I'm like, why am I sweating this thing?
 This is absolutely the Lord.
 It's his heart, it's what he loves.
 He God doesn't order what he cannot pay for.
 What was I even thinking about?
 And all of that came from a prayer.
 And that kind of recalibrated my heart.
 like, oh God, yeah, no good point.
 How do I manage to forget that?
 - Sure, yeah.
 I think, yeah, I mean, I loved that moment.
 I think we both felt like super encouraged.
 And then we head into the week,
 'cause we're talking about like,
 how do we navigate the week?
 I think with most things, when you realize,
 "Hey, the Lord's asking you to do something."
 And the thing is insurmountable.
 Like it's, I don't know how to do this.
 The thing that I've learned to do is what can you do now?
 What can I do?
 - Right. - Right?
 Because what I can't do is come up with $25,000.
 - $25,000. - $25,000.
 - I suggested you sell a kidney,
 but you're all like, no, no, no, no.
 - I know, I know, I'm just weird like that.
 But what I can do is, okay, what else do I need to have ready,
 you know, to, for this baby to come?
 Does that make sense?
 So, and I think we both did a lot of that.
 Like, oh, okay, like in terms of the practical,
 okay, we need to hire the lawyers and we need to,
 you know, like there's a whole bunch of other things
 that we can do that are practical things
 that set us up and move us forward in faith
 in the intermediate time of waiting for God doing his part.
 And I think that's no matter what God asked you to do,
 There's usually something on your end that you can do.
 - That you can do.
 - That you can start to do.
 - Along with that, every day our doorbell would ring
 and FedEx would drop off packages.
 - Yes, because we have like a registry.
 - A baby registry.
 - And some--
 - People were buying things left, right and center,
 which is also blowing my mind.
 - So some sweet friends of ours are throwing us a shower,
 which is lovely.
 And I think those gifts have started to arrive.
 So yeah, the doorbell would ring and we're like,
 Oh, it's a change table.
 Crib.
 It's a change.
 Crib.
 Our lobby looks like an Amazon Depot.
 It just boxes.
 Not quite, but they're big boxes.
 Yeah.
 Yeah.
 But even those little notes of what's coming,
 that little note, giant packages of what's coming,
 I found very, very helpful.
 And then sweet friends would be like,
 hey, I've got this, this, and this.
 Would you, you know, like Bora or you can have this
 because my kids are out of that stage.
 And so like right now in our bedroom,
 There's a crib. There's the two little bouncy chairs. What are they called?
 You know, the, uh, I think they're called bouncers. Yeah.
 Bouncers everywhere I look. I'm like, Oh, this whole, I forgot about nesting.
 I remember you went through the nesting phase. Yeah.
 But for me now, the nesting phase is actually helping attune my heart.
 Yeah. To like, this is my new reality. It's not theoretical.
 Yeah. And then we've had like, uh, podcast listeners, even that have,
 that have listened and said, I don't need, uh, we're done with this, you know,
 with these baby clothes or with this stage of whatever.
 So we have like clothes coming, you know,
 'cause they go through that stuff so fast
 and they wear it for like,
 feels like two weeks before they're in the next size
 and whatever.
 So, but it's starting to look like in most rooms
 of our house, there's some evidence that a baby is coming.
 And I think we were talking earlier,
 like some of the things that I've also done is like,
 Okay, we know we're doing formula.
 So reaching out to different people that I know have done formula that also are about
 clean living in terms of what goes in your body and all that kind of stuff.
 Reaching out to some friends that are pretty intense about that and saying, "What did you
 use?"
 Yeah, well, formative.
 So I've gotten some of that in.
 Just trying to pull on, again, our community for wisdom in areas where I'm like, "I don't
 know what's out there now.
 I don't know even what's good.
 Like some of the things that the people have learned to us,
 I was like, I didn't know this existed.
 - Well, that's the thing that I've been so touched by,
 that in an era gone by,
 you were that for some of those people.
 - Yes.
 - They would call you and say, you know,
 I just need help, I'm pregnant with my first child.
 And now it's been 10 years since we've had a newborn.
 You're going to some of those very people now for wisdom
 and they're returning the favor.
 - That's true.
 I think that's really been beautiful.
 And that's the beauty of community who are constantly...
 It's easy to say the beauty of the community is that they raised all this money for us.
 And believe me, we are so grateful.
 Thank you to everybody who gave.
 So, so, so grateful.
 And equally, there's so much blessing being in community
 where people remind you who you are.
 Yeah.
 And remind you who God is.
 Yeah.
 And remind you of what He's doing.
 Yeah.
 And it helps.
 Yeah.
 I love that you talked about you went to,
 Okay, we're working on God doing this, but what's our part? What can we do? I'm going to go do this.
 I'm going to research formula, et cetera. One of the other most effective tools that we have relied on
 in crisis with a small sea in times of need is... I would say not just times of need, it is
 part of our lifestyle. It is, but yes. But more so, what I'm saying is when we're in time of need,
 We drop on this tool.
 It's not the only time we use this tool.
 Sure, sure, sure.
 But it would be prayer coupled with fasting.
 Yes.
 And what I've learned about fasting is it is undoubtedly one of the most
 offensive things to the rational mind.
 Yeah, for sure.
 It makes zero sense that how because for me, when I fast, I'm a lightweight.
 When I fast, my brain get, I have two types of fasting.
 When the Lord invites me to fast, there's a grace on it.
 and actually generally speaking, I'm okay.
 - Yes.
 - When I decide I'm going to fast
 because I realize I need to fat,
 like it's like, it's my initiative
 on the Lord's mission.
 - I need to shift something in my spirit,
 I am going to fast.
 - When I decide to do that,
 it is an uphill struggle for me.
 Like my brain becomes useless.
 I slow down cognitively and physically.
 So, several points this week,
 as we were moving into praying and fasting,
 I'm like, there's literally nothing I can do
 to bring about this $25,000.
 So, you know, I'm like, how much money can you make day
 trading when you have zero experience?
 I'm like, this is probably not wisdom.
 I shouldn't do that.
 How much can I sell my amiibo collection for?
 I'm thinking, I can pray and I can fast.
 I know how to do those things.
 And why do you pray fast?
 Well, God gives grace to the humble,
 but he knows the proud from afar.
 And the fastest way I know to bring about
 and cultivate humility in my life is through fasting.
 - Yes, you become very aware of your own weakness.
 I start praying and fasting, and then I move to just fasting
 because I'm so weak I can't pray.
 And so now I'm literally, I'm literally like on the floor,
 I just remember like, I'm all prayed out.
 I'm now just going to soak.
 - Yeah.
 - About to know if this is, I need this,
 and instead of going out and digging ditches
 or selling a kidney, I'm lying on the floor.
 I've outsourced my prayers to someone else
 who's singing prayers, and I'm just lying on the floor
 in peace, feeling so peaceful.
 And that's that paradox.
 Am I in peace or I in denial?
 - Yeah.
 - And periodically refreshing the page,
 is this praying and fasting doing anything,
 not doing nothing.
 (laughing)
 And still feel very, very peaceful.
 And then I'm like, is this peace?
 Or am I just in denial?
 I don't know.
 And that question's not helping.
 So I'm just gonna go back to lying down.
 And so this whole time that I'm praying and fasting,
 I am feeling peace.
 And I just, I tell you something else that's crazy.
 And we were talking about this this morning.
 Have you ever had this experience with the Lord
 where you're praying about this over here
 and you're praying for breakthrough over here?
 So I'm praying about like baby adoption.
 While I'm doing that, I'm praying and fasting
 about this over here.
 Over here, the Lord comes and does a bunch of stuff
 about our future jobs.
 I'm not even thinking about our future jobs like right now.
 - Sure.
 - I'm thinking about this, like Lord, all my energy
 My focus is on this, this, this, this.
 And it's like the Lord taps down your shoulder
 and you look over here and this breakthrough
 over here going, how do, how, how, how
 was those two connected?
 And so--
 Because he's working on everything altogether.
 He is.
 Prayer and fasting is just one of those mysterious things
 of the kingdom that brings about breakthrough
 that you can't really see how.
 Yeah.
 So as we're praying and as we're fasting,
 We also realized we did see those first couple of posts that brought us from 7,000 to 9,000.
 And we realized when we looked at the dates that they were given,
 that they, when we were told about them was five or six days after they'd actually been given.
 And also people are texting us saying, Hey, so encourage my podcast.
 Just want to let you know I've donated this amount and this amount and this, you know,
 but we're not seeing it all. Yeah.
 So we're like, okay, God, like we have no idea going into Friday.
 Have we met it?
 Have we not met it?
 Hasn't posted.
 We realize, Oh, you know, the life song tells us it'll take three to six days to
 most explain that part yet.
 So life song is the 501c three that we work with.
 They receive donations from people.
 Yeah.
 They obviously wait until those donations have cleared.
 So thank transfer.
 If it's check, if it's wire, if it's credit card, they want to make sure that
 that clears and comes to their account.
 And probably, I don't know this for sure,
 but probably they're batching those transactions
 just to save themselves money.
 - Sure. - Right?
 - And so-- - And it is somebody
 who is actually physically doing it.
 It's not being-- - Right.
 And then they're gonna allocate that to our account.
 - Yes. - So we know people
 are donating because they're testing us.
 We don't know how many people are donating.
 We only know the people who've called us.
 - Yes.
 - And so we're also where there's this process,
 but we're also where how long is that process gonna take?
 And is that gonna impinge on our ability
 to actually send a wire on Friday?
 'Cause we don't just need to collect the money,
 we also need to send them on it.
 Which brings another paradoxical moment,
 a bit of tension.
 Yes.
 I'm not saying bad or good,
 it's just, you know, when you watch that number
 not change and you need it to change.
 Well, especially when you,
 we haven't heard from tons of people,
 but we'd heard from like three or four different people
 Hey, I gave.
 So you know what I started doing?
 And it isn't changing.
 What?
 I start mentally calculating,
 well, I know so and so gave this.
 And so, but then I think with that verse
 where David numbered the people of Israel
 And the Lord is angry, I was like,
 I'm not touching that with the box.
 - Right, right, right, right.
 - The Lord doesn't need my help in calculating.
 - You got this guy, we got this.
 - Just gonna wake in bees.
 - I know that we've joked about peace,
 but I would say that by and large,
 or weak, was blanketed in peace.
 - Yes.
 - Punctuated, I only think two times by panic,
 maybe it's the wrong word, maybe a moment of distress.
 You had one and I had one.
 Where like, I don't know, I'd gotten up early.
 I was with the Lord and you just text me like,
 "Can you come in here and just be with me?"
 And I can't even read with you.
 - Was that this week?
 Wow. - I don't know if it was this.
 It feels like it was this week.
 - I feel like we've been running adrenaline
 for the last two weeks and I can't keep my head straight.
 - And then I had one of those wobblies
 where I was like, "Okay, I just need to hear me.
 I just need to verbally process,
 but now I'm good."
 But by and large, marred by peace,
 which again, we would come back
 to everybody who's been praying for us.
 Thank you. - Yes, thank you.
 - Thank you.
 - We ask for four things, like one that you would pray,
 thank you so much for praying,
 I was so evident that you prayed.
 I would say the reason we were in so much peace
 was the prayer of everybody.
 Number two, ask you to share our news,
 and thank you for doing that.
 It was just wonderful to hear from people
 who are not in our immediate reach.
 We can reach out about the story.
 We ask you to give, boy, did you give.
 Thank you so much for giving.
 And then we ask you to join our prayer list
 in lots of you did, and we just wanna say thank you for that.
 We felt so cared for by prayer.
 We felt tremendous peace.
 But then it comes to Friday morning.
 - Comes to Friday morning and the number hasn't shifted at all.
 - We wake up, number hasn't shifted.
 No matter refreshing is changing that number.
 - What was interesting and what I was happy about
 is my heart didn't freak out.
 - I wouldn't say my heart freaked out,
 but I was like, I was really hoping to refresh
 on the Friday morning and--
 - Ta-da.
 - Or at least be some sort of change, you know?
 So I was like, oh, okay God, all right, still trust you.
 - Because we also know about these other things.
 And so you said, hey, why don't you just call them
 and just, you know, see, so I call them
 and we got some relationship with these people
 because we talked to them.
 And so I'm speaking to Rachel in the office going,
 hey Rachel, I've read everything on your website.
 I know it takes three to six days.
 And I'm just wondering if you can tell us,
 if you can see, you know, as a stuff pending,
 she's like, "Let me have a look at your account."
 And then she says, "Oh, wow."
 Oh, oh, wow.
 And I'm like, "Oh, oh, wow, and a good, oh, wow."
 And she's like, "Alyn, since Monday, you've had 46 donations."
 To put that in context, in the last year and a half,
 we'd had 50 donations.
 So our fundraising was 50 donations.
 - Right.
 say by the way that this is our 501(c)(3) giving. Everybody who gave via go fund me, that comes
 to us instantly. We could see that. But by and large, the vast majority of our donations, which
 makes sense, is coming through this 501(c)(3). For a variety of reasons, it's a really,
 really excellent ministry that they have. She's like, "Yeah, there's 46 donations."
 But we don't know if those donations are $5, $10, $100. We don't know anything.
 Yeah, and she says, "I can't add these up because I'm just looking at screenshots.
 It's just telling me what's coming through the pipeline.
 But some of these really should have been processed by now.
 Let me reach out to our accounting team and see what happened."
 Yes.
 She said, "In the meantime, I'll send you some screenshots so that you can do your own
 mental arithmetic."
 Yeah.
 Now, in our house, we've learned very quickly that...
 Alyn doesn't do math.
 Daddy doesn't do math.
 (laughs)
 Or sometimes Daddy thinks he does math
 and then argues with me about the math
 and then I just wait until you arrive
 at what I said in the first place.
 (laughs)
 - So I sent you these screenshots.
 We tally up and realized that, you know,
 we needed $18,000 of donations,
 $19,000 of donation came in.
 - Yes.
 - And so we're just--
 - We were like, oh.
 - We were just blown away.
 - She says, "Thank you so much."
 - Blown away by now.
 You know, you're related.
 Yes.
 You're just totally elated.
 Yes.
 And we were able to call the adoption agency and say,
 it has come in.
 It hasn't cleared yet.
 We'll be able to send it to you on Monday,
 which they were fine with.
 They were very--
 Yes.
 They explained.
 They were wonderful.
 Listen, the way we used to do is 25 grand gets wired to us.
 You bring the other 25,000 on a cashier's check.
 So when you come to pick up the baby, you hand it to us.
 But what we realized is sometimes mom's
 going to labor early.
 And then it's a rush.
 If you think you've got three weeks to raise money and it's like, "Hey, your mom just went to labor. You need to get here now."
 Right.
 You just don't need to hassle.
 You know, baby's been delivered by C-section. We know when she's gonna arrive. We know that you've got the money.
 We know life song. We're from like, "That's absolutely okay. Just wire it to us on Monday."
 Yes.
 So we were like, "Ahhh!"
 Thank you, God.
 Yeah.
 But I realized, you know, last night we were sitting watching TV and I was just like, "Babe, are you aware of the adrenaline that must have been coursing through our body these last two weeks?"
 the one week of like, "Tada, you have a baby."
 The second week is like, "You need $100,000.
 Tada, all the money came in."
 - Yeah.
 - Those are big highs and lows.
 - Yes.
 And I think we became aware of it
 because we would both be, like eight o'clock at night,
 I'm like, "I am trash."
 Like I'm so exhausted and I wanna go to sleep.
 And I don't have, I mean, all I have done is, you know,
 met with people who have been on the internet,
 like been on the internet working on, you know.
 - Yeah, you know what I mean?
 - And once it's done, it's done it.
 - So it's just like, no, I haven't done anything.
 And I'm so tired, but I think it's just, yeah,
 the adrenaline burn of, oh my, like,
 there's a reason you get nine months to prepare for a baby.
 - Yes.
 - You know, so it's in many ways, it's like,
 oh, I'm trying to allow my heart,
 like as I walk by the crib in the front hallway,
 and I see all these like little things sitting everywhere,
 I'm, you know, oh yeah, we're, hey, we're switching seasons,
 and I'm trying to allow my heart to go,
 Yeah, we're doing that and whatever.
 And at the same time, you know, then you're also like,
 oh, the money and it needs to come in.
 And oh, you know, and then taking care of your own kids
 in the midst of it and letting them process
 and all that kind of stuff.
 And then they'd be asking every day,
 has the money come in yet?
 Has the money come in?
 And we're like, nope, but you know, God's good and whatever.
 So we actually, last night I bought pie.
 Tia loves pie, but I bought pie as like a celebration.
 - Let's all throw Tia as the scapegoat for loving pie.
 - Doesn't love pie.
 - But Tia extra loves pie.
 - Daddy loves pie.
 - Well yes, but Tia was like, "Mommy, I love pie."
 I mean, the other kids were like, "This was great."
 But she was like, she felt like it was a, anyway.
 We had pie to celebrate, you know,
 that it had come in and, you know,
 I think the thing is like, we just feel so,
 just thankful, you know, and it's so nice
 to have that part done, you know.
 - Can I say something about this so thankful?
 - Yeah.
 - So this is my shame speaking.
 - Yes.
 - Part of the dynamic is I have shame because people donate,
 let's say people donate on a Monday,
 we typically don't find out on a Friday
 that they've donated.
 So they've given on Monday
 and I might interact with them all that week.
 I might see them and I chat with them.
 - And I have no idea that they've given.
 And of course, as soon as we find out,
 we send a card and say, "Thank you,"
 or we send an email or we reach out and say, thank you.
 But I'm like, for those five days,
 do they think that we're just an ingrain?
 And so I would just say, I'm sorry,
 we don't know that you've donated if you have donated.
 And we want to say a huge thank you,
 a tremendously huge thank you.
 And I'm aware that's my shame speaking.
 But I also want to hold it.
 - Well, I feel the same.
 Yeah, there's a big gap between when you give
 and when we find out that you've given.
 And so, yeah, if we've seen you in the midst
 or we've heard from you in the midst, thank you so much.
 and we weren't trying to be rude, we just didn't know.
 - So in a nutshell, this week has been amazing.
 It's been big, but it's been calmer than the week before.
 - Yes.
 - And we're here with a testimony that God is good.
 You guys were generous.
 - Yes.
 - Things are moving ahead.
 Where today we're booking flights and an Airbnb to go stay
 where we need to stay.
 - Yes, there's a big list of things to do today.
 (laughs)
 - And?
 - Yes.
 Even though we met the money that we needed for that,
 the fundraising is still not over.
 - Yeah, we still have to pay for all the medical costs
 for the Caesarean and all the travel costs
 and all that kind of stuff.
 - And it's interesting because the hospital,
 the adoption agency obviously works
 with this hospital a lot.
 It's the main hospital in the city that they live in.
 And so they said, hey, we've negotiated a 50% discount
 with the hospital if you pay the day of.
 - The day of.
 - Right. Well, and it also doesn't include any,
 they said, plus you pay for any medications
 that she goes home with and any additional things.
 So, we're--
 - It's also interesting, American health insurance
 is we can't add the baby to our insurance
 till we have the baby.
 - Right.
 - So the baby has to be born, so none of that
 can be covered by insurance.
 - No, we have to pay for all of that, yeah.
 - So we still have to raise the medical costs
 that they estimate is about $12,000.
 - And potentially it's a little bit more than that,
 but some are in there, yeah.
 have to pay for our travel costs, which is, I don't know,
 but between flights and car rental and a place to stay.
 Again, depends on how long you have to stay.
 We could be staying there seven days,
 could be staying there 10 days.
 Legal fees, which we've already paid for.
 Yeah.
 But yeah, it's an adventure.
 So if you're listening to this episode
 and your heart was like, oh, I really want to give.
 I'm so glad you got your money.
 You can still give.
 We still need help.
 We still need help.
 Yeah.
 I mean, it was funny, Tia last night came down
 and she's like, "Hey, you guys, how much did come in?"
 And we were like, "Well, you know, 19,000."
 So I said, "We're sitting at 28 and 25 goes."
 And she's like, "So we're three towards the next one."
 And I was like, "Yeah, but I mean--
 - Time out, little one.
 - You know, but at least she's like--
 - Oh, she met in the next, I wish she met in the next baby.
 - Not the next baby.
 She's like, "Three towards the next payment."
 Like, and I was like, "That's right, darling."
 Like, we already, we have a head start on this next one
 and it's the last one.
 And then all of that, you know, all of that part of the story is done.
 And then it's just, it's the, we have a newborn and we get to love on this.
 Get to love. Sweet little package.
 I love watching the kids ask how big is a newborn?
 Yes.
 You know, what do they like and roughly show me in size, you know?
 There was a real sweet moment that touched my heart.
 It's, I think a couple of episodes ago you were talking about, you know,
 we had a room that our 15 year old was in that bedroom,
 she moved bedroom.
 So this room has just been empty and you were like,
 hey, nothing's really happening in the adoption world.
 So I'm going to turn it into my office
 because I'm working from home.
 I have an office downstairs, you need an office upstairs.
 So you painted it, you got it ready.
 We talked about that a couple of weeks ago.
 And now it's going to be turned into a nursery.
 - It's going to be the nursery, yes.
 - And you'd painted it, you know, some neutral colors,
 but you had a feature wall that was a really nice green.
 - Yeah.
 - And, you know, I don't know why you picked green, I guess.
 - I just, I just...
 - Because we thought we were getting a boy.
 - Well, also, but I mean, green's my favorite color.
 So I was like, oh, if I'm gonna be using this office,
 potentially forever if we don't have a baby.
 And if we do have a baby, green would work.
 I just picked a green that I liked.
 - Well, we capped for 15 years.
 - Yes.
 - What'd you call it?
 Like, the crib set.
 Like, yeah, all the-- - Yeah, the set that we had
 was our first baby, Abby.
 It was gonna be 16 in a couple of weeks.
 So a 16 years old.
 We capped it, we used it for Tia, we didn't use it for MJ,
 'cause it was completely different color set.
 But we've got it, it was over there,
 and I just thought, I'm just gonna bring it up.
 I just wanna see if it'll work.
 And what do you know, the green that's in it
 is the perfect green.
 It's pink and yellow and very girly.
 It's not all the beige that all the,
 have you seen the sad beige memes?
 (laughing)
 It's definitely pink and bright.
 - It's definitely bright.
 - But the green and it was the same green.
 - And back is perfectly.
 - And so you've got the blackout curtains,
 You've got the balances, you've got the crib set.
 - Right, we have all that stuff already.
 - I'm like, I've got so much emotional attachment
 to that crib set because it was both Abby and Tia's.
 And so I realized, oh my heart,
 there's something happening in my heart about that.
 - Yeah, that's so great.
 Yeah, and my thought was like,
 I don't want to repaint this room right now
 to make it more girly.
 What I'd love to do is figure out a way
 to leave it the way it is until she's two or three
 and we know what her favorite color is.
 Do you know what I mean?
 - Yep.
 - Like Tia's favorite color is purple, you know what I mean?
 So I thought, oh, if we could figure out a way to do that.
 But it didn't seem very likely
 that that was gonna work out that well.
 So when you brought it up and we realized,
 oh my gosh, it's the same green.
 And I didn't think it was.
 I didn't think that this was gonna work at all.
 - Oh, and I didn't think it was.
 I was just curious.
 I'm not good at guessing colors.
 You were usually very, very good at knowing what colors are.
 - Well, I remembered the light, it has two greens in it,
 and I forgot that, and I remembered the light green,
 'cause I had done a painting to match the quilt.
 - Which is down here somewhere.
 - Yeah, and it's down here too,
 so we already have wall decorations.
 - All right, well, we're through.
 We are here, we are crediting y'all with so much
 of the piece that we have felt,
 certainly with all the fundraising.
 Thank you to everybody who gave.
 - Thank you so much.
 - If you'd like to continue to give,
 You can go to alynandaj.com/adopt
 and all the information how you can give there.
 But a huge thank you.
 Thank you for your prayers.
 Thank you for your generosity.
 We feel very loved, very blessed.
 - Overwhelmed by your kindness.
 - By the time this episode comes out, we'll be what?
 - 14 days. - 14 days away from adopting.
 - Having our daughter, yeah.
 - Oh my gosh.
 - Yeah.
 - Okay.
 I have a list of this question for you.
 - Oh, am I answering it?
 - Yeah, I think it'd be great.
 I've done a lot of work this week.
 Facting's taken out.
 This is a question from Laura.
 Laura asks, "Hi Alyn and AJ.
 My question is in regards to spiritual growth.
 I have grown and changed a great deal in my personal life
 and in my faith over the last six to seven years in particular."
 Good for you.
 "I have moved past many hindrances in my life
 and the Lord has healed me from many things
 that you should define me.
 However, sometimes when I'm speaking to others,
 particularly others that don't have a strong faith,
 I notice myself talking about myself
 as if I can relate to many of their struggles, because I don't want to seem superior to
 them as if I'm the prideful Christian who has it all figured out.
 I want to walk in humility and recognize I always have growing to do.
 I also want my life to look like a testimony to God's goodness, and I obviously have to
 be confident enough in my healing and growth that I am comfortable admitting I do not struggle
 with certain things anymore.
 It's particularly challenging for people who have known me through this growth and still
 treat me like in my old self or are more doubtful or questioning when I tell them parts of
 my testimony. It has made me question my own healing at times when I've received the looks
 of doubt. To sum up, how do you grow and stay humble while not becoming prideful to others
 as in, I've got this all figured out, woohoo. I've heard you talk about tall poppy syndrome before
 and I often find myself going ahead and cutting off my poppies before others can get to them.
 That's a great picture.
 To prevent from getting hurt or rejected by others if they don't believe my growth or
 testimony.
 I just don't feel brave enough sometimes.
 I want to be brave enough to say and believe my own testimony that I know from personal
 experience is true and let the Lord handle their hearts without trying to control the
 outcome of how they are experiencing me.
 It's a long question and I hope it makes sense, but I'm super grateful for you considering
 giving me a response.
 Oh, Lord, it's a good question.
 I think even just from listening to how you ask the question,
 I don't have a tremendous amount of concern
 that you're gonna be prideful.
 Because just in the asking of the question,
 it's that you are seeking to be authentic
 and you're being empathetic with where they are
 and then but also realizing, hey, I'm not there anymore.
 I mean, all those kind of,
 you're super being humble even in the way that you ask it.
 So on one level, I wanna say keep doing what you're doing
 because it's working for you.
 I do know how it feels to,
 and I would say particularly that kind of stuff happens
 with family or close friends where,
 you know, you have experienced transformation
 and they may be, I don't wanna say cynical,
 but they just maybe don't see it
 'cause we're sort of conditioned to always see our close people
 the way that we have seen them
 unless there's something that's like radically different
 and we choose to grab ahold of it and leave it.
 Does that make sense?
 And so I understand that it's almost easier to shrink back and be less than so that you
 think you're not making them feel uncomfortable, but I don't think it's ever actually great
 for us to be less than.
 And I think when people are confronted, and I mean that in a really, I don't mean that
 in a aggressive way. But when people are confronted with change, eventually they do see it. And
 then that gives them hope for their own, their own change. So if we're
 might not give them hope, but they're challenged by it. Sure. Sure. Hopefully it gives them hope.
 Yes. I mean, I've also had like, you know, we've talked about having financial breakthroughs
 and different things like that. Like I've had some friends and some family members that are
 almost offended by what God has done for us.
 And you have the choice in that moment to apologize to the mom,
 sorry, you have an experience that or whatever, or just be like,
 yeah, I get it.
 Like I totally get how you feel.
 That must be very frustrating.
 You know, so I think you can still be empathetic and meet them
 where they're at without backing off of, this is what God's done.
 Because I think if you start living apologetically, like living,
 apologizing for what God has done for you or through you or in you, then actually you're
 right.
 It sort of diminishes, I don't want to say it diminishes your testimony, but like, I wonder
 what God would do if you use what is clearly there, which is you are humble and just, and
 but then also not apologizing for what God has done, but be able to go, yeah, I do remember
 feeling like that, you know, but you don't have to pretend you feel like that now.
 I think about three things.
 I think about one, a great Bill Johnson quote.
 He said, "Your life is the only Bible
 some people will ever read."
 True.
 And it's responsible Christian living
 to pursue the blessing of God in every area of your life.
 Those are both Bill Johnson quotes.
 And I love that.
 And some people will delight in the testimony of your life
 and some people will be horribly offended by it.
 Yes, I'm just thinking like,
 I remember listening to, like, you know,
 from the platform, you listen to somebody's testimony
 who's gone through something horrendous,
 and they tell the breakthrough part of it.
 And I remember in the seasons where I was longing
 for breakthrough, I was wondering if I was ever gonna,
 am I ever gonna feel any different?
 Hearing those testimonies actually gave me hope.
 - Yes, but that's 'cause you had years to hear.
 - Oh, it's looking for hope. - If you're so wrapped up
 in bitterness, you're gonna resent what they're saying.
 - Sure. - Oh, great for you,
 God, to die for you.
 Look at, you know. - Yeah, sure.
 We've been on the receiving end of both of those things.
 - Yes, we have, yes.
 - The second thing I was thinking about
 is I had a dream many, many, many, many, many, many years ago.
 And it was me trying to repackage the Lord
 and His goodness to make it more palatable
 to the people of my life.
 So basically I was experiencing all the stuff
 of the Holy Spirit and I had lots of friends
 that that was not palatable to at all.
 So the Holy Spirit's coming, visiting me very powerfully
 but causing me to manifest in ways that are uncomfortable for other people.
 And I'm so eager for my friends to experience the goodness of God,
 that I'm trying to minimize the stigma of the anointing.
 Yes.
 All right.
 And I remember I have a dream and the Lord came and dealt with me very severely and said,
 I don't need your marketing.
 I do not need to be repackaged to be palatable.
 Sure.
 So in one sense, Laura, the goodness and the kindness of God is actually offensive to people.
 Yes, it is.
 Or it can be.
 Yeah.
 And you just can't apologize for that.
 You know, the Apostle Paul said, "I hope somehow to provoke my brothers to jealousy."
 That's not our goal. Our goal is not to be like going out and rubbing the goodness of God
 and other people's face, but the goodness of God is either going to produce hunger in those who
 are looking for it or revulsion in those who are offended by it. So you have to make peace with that.
 That's second Corinthians too, isn't it? And then I think it's interesting that you kind of
 answer your question by your question. Your closing paragraph says this, "I just don't feel brave enough
 sometimes. I want to be brave enough to say and believe my own test, that I know from personal
 experiences true and let the Lord handle their hearts without trying to control the outcome of
 how they're experiencing me. So you've got it. How you do this is that you become brave enough,
 you ask the Holy Spirit for bravery to say and believe your own testament because expression
 reinforces impression. When you start talking about what God's done on the inside, it reinforces
 it for you and you have to let the Lord handle their hearts without trying to control the outcome
 of how they're experiencing you.
 Yeah.
 And also I would encourage you like having to pray for bravery like Paul had to pray for
 bravery you know so there's we pray for bravery for different conversations and things like
 that so yeah I mean I think there's a time in life where you just do it scared.
 You do we do a lot scared.
 Yeah I feel scared.
 - I'm scared, great. - Do it, scared.
 - And try and be as kind and authentic as you can
 in the midst of doing it, scared.
 - All right, thank you for the question, great question.
 - So good.
 - Let's bring this home, AJ Jones,
 tell the people some stuff.
 - All right, I'll tell you some stuff.
 If you'd like the show notes from this episode,
 you can go to alynandaj.com/296.
 And if you'd like to ask us any questions,
 we would love to answer them.
 And you ask us a question by going to alynandaj.com/ask.
 - Doesn't just have to be questions
 if you've got comments, criticisms, observations,
 curiosities, if you've got topics you'd like us
 to talk about. - Yeah, something you
 want us to talk about, that'd be great.
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 If you would like to become a member of this show
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 A huge thank you to the members of our show
 who support us.
 It's a tremendous blessing.
 We're very appreciative for you.
 - And if you'd like to continue to help us
 on our last leg of fundraising,
 you of course can go to alynandaj.com/adopt.
 - But for now, thanks so much for being with us.
 We look forward to being with you next week.